Fighting A Losing Cause

It was almost a great weekend. I stuffed myself full of whatever food I could find, I met actor Steve Martin, and I even managed to make a buck or two in the process. What would’ve made the weekend better? I really wish I could’ve seen a better movie.

Ever since The Losers has been in planning, I have been intrigued. The script was written by Peter Berg (highly underrated) and James Vanderbilt, who wrote Zodiac a few years ago. I felt the collaboration would yield a movie that was fun and had a purpose at the same time. Well, I was wrong.

This film is a mess. Like most mindless action movies it starts out great. Then, it gets louder. Then, the explosions get bigger. Then, roll the credits. That’s it. That is the great road map director Sylvain White and DC Entertainment used to try and pay tribute to Robert Kanigher’s creation. If they would’ve stolen a line or two from other films it would’ve been a full-blown Jerry Bruckheimer tribute. Did I say that out loud?

The Losers was a tense, fun comic book. It is an entertaining film meant to tip the hat to bad B movies (I hope), but falls short of doing anything constructive. There are moments of sheer brilliance (look quickly or you’ll miss it) and then there are moments where the story goes absolutely nowhere.

My theory is this: I believe Berg and Vanderbilt wrote a brilliant, masterful piece of art that somehow got blown to bits by the pyrotechnics. It’s the only way to explain the raw talent and potential this film had only to finish with a product so bad I was actually inspecting ever piece of popcorn I put in my mouth. Not even several hundred shots of Zoe Saldana’s ass could get me into the film.

I really wish the creators of this movie would’ve put more thought into the plot and characters. Their end result plays out more like a bad X-Box game and less like a movie. Even the acting is horrible. Well, truthfully, I never expect much from Chris Evans, but Jason Patric knows how to act. I think he just left his acting chops in Indo-China because he wasn’t even close in nailing Max’s character.

This is one of those movies where the trailers and previews are better than the actual movie. It is aptly named and cleverly marketed. Unfortunately, The Losers doesn’t deliver anything but cheap thrills. So cheap, in fact, I felt like I overpaid a five cent whore when I left.

I’m going to try desperately not to let this kill my comic book movie buzz. Kick-Ass got us started on the right foot and The Losers is still trying to find its footing. However, all roads lead to the big, iron sequel about to hit the screens all over the world. Yes, Iron Man 2 is fast approaching and he could single handedly save the summer movie fest. Let’s hope so, because right now it’s gone from awesome to awful.