Fake Tidings to All!

The holiday season is in full swing, how do I know? Well for one thing everywhere you go they are playing Christmas music.  (I’m sorry I mean “winter holiday music”, although we all know that Christmas gets the biggest push here in the States.)  Another clue is the fact that I received 14–no I’m not exaggerating–14 catalogues in the mail today!

The quantity of catalogues is overwhelming, the variety of catalogues is interesting.  Everything from your standard LL Bean & J Crew to something called The Pyramid Collection (full of witchy clothes and fairy statues–don’t ask me how I got on that list!)  Ok, I admit, I actually look at most of them.  I’m fascinated by all the crazy-shit (sorry but that’s the only appropriate word) out there.  The things people need to buy that they will never use amazes me.  T-shirts with stupid sayings, games you’ll never play, figurines that sit around and collect dust, and yes even some cool stuff that you might actually want.

Now my first thought upon receiving 14 catalogues in one day is …. oh the trees we are killing!  I would like to state, for the record, that every year I tell these people to send me email instead of the actual catalogues.  I tick the appropriate boxes for email updates and don’t check the “send it in the mail” box.  However, every year starting about November I’m inundated with shopping porn.

My second reaction is who are they kidding.  I mean when you start looking at these catalogues–I mean really looking–you see some unnatural stuff.  Anyone who has a tiny inkling about Photoshop should be either laughing or crying at some of the things on these pages.  The most obvious is the super-skinny, no-pore-having models (men, women & even kids.)  Ralph Lauren recently got in trouble for a print ad where the chick looked like a lollipop.  Her head was wider than her hips…now that’s just not right.  (BTW another fun little thing to do is to buy some fashion mag featuring your favorite star on the cover.  Then go watch said star on TV in HD–wow is that the same person?)

Aside from beautiful people, even the weird, out-there catalogues like What On Earth & National Geographic get a little crazy with the lens flares.  Brian & I always joke about the “lens flare of the month club.”  You know what I’m talking about, we’ve all seen the Orbit gum commercial where she smiles and there is a big “TING” off her teeth–that’s a lens flare out of control.  Now, in nature, lens flares do happen–subtly.  They appear off mirrors, chrome, and other shinny things.  They do not appear off Santa’s teeth or your shinny dreidel! This holiday onslaught of catalogues is convinced that if it shines you’ll want to buy it–hence WAY too many lens flares.  (In the Pyramid catalogue I mentioned above, practically ever fairy wing has a glow or a shine.  I’m bettin’ when she arrives in her little box there ain’t no shine!)

Another saying Brian & I have is that Santa “threw up” all over so-and-so’s house.  This means they got crazy with the decorations and you can’t even seen the ground anymore–think the Griswold’s.  Here in Arizona, it becomes even funnier because we don’t have grass (or snow) so people lay lights over the rocks that make up the front yard.  That doesn’t sound too bad but when they add 3 blow-up reindeer, cover the cacti with lights, and stick a santa on the roof, it’s a little much.

The catalogues do the same thing.  With the “magic” of Photoshop they stick freakin’ holly berries or icicles on everything.  I mean how can you cover a page in snowflakes and then expect me to be able to pick out the sweater I want to buy–does it have snowflakes or is it really just blue?  Also in this category is the classic “holiday background.”  Now you know (& can tell) that some of those models are not standing on a snowy ski slope and that there isn’t a north star over their head.  Those kids soooo did not make that snowman–snow dude was added later for sure.  They also like for it to be snowing in ALL the pictures, but not in front of the products or the people’s faces.  So it conventionally snows AROUND them–very cool, wish it worked like that in real life!

I could also make a comment on how happy everyone looks but I don’t think that has anything to do with Photoshop, they pay them so they have to look that happy!

As most who work in any creative field know, you can change just about anything once you get it into a computer. Most of us are even guilty of it at some point. With digital cameras they are even changing & “editing” at the photo shoots.  (I know ‘cause I’ve seen America’s Next Top Model.).

When did it become ok to fake reality?  When did it become ok to cheat?  When did it become ok to “improve” your work after the fact (maybe we should ask George Lucas?)  When did we start accepting fake as real?

What happens to all the poor suckers out there who don’t recognize Photoshop skills when they see it?  They think they are gonna shell out $30 for a fairy with glowing wings that catches the light perfectly and they get a dull little statue that won’t glow if you stick a spotlight on it.

Is this our moral dilemma or theirs?

Well, I guess you can look on the bright side, if your career as a colorist doesn’t work out there are plenty of magazines who will hire graphic designers to make things shinny and fake.

Merry Ho-Ho

Kristy Miller

VP, Development

Hi-Fi Design