Mind Over Mathers

I try to keep an open mind. I try to tell myself things aren’t as bad as they seem. I try to focus on good things. I do try. However, there are certain things you hear in life that make you cringe. For instance, anytime I see an ad for a new Jerry Bruckheimer film I cringe. Anytime I hear an old country song I cringe. Anytime I hear an announcement there is a new Captain America movie coming out (again) I cringe.

Most of the time my cringing is justified. Take the aforementioned Bruckheimer as an example. I know three things will exist in all his movies: really bad one-liners, tons of action, and a rip off of at least three (if not four) other movies that were good. Then there are those times when I cringe and I actually like the idea. I use the very last Rocky movie as an example. I liked it. It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t anything close to bad.

In this day and age of remakes I have been cringing a lot. I mean, seriously, do we need to remake The Karate Kid, Nightmare On Elm Street and every other movie I watched growing up? Can’t we find a new source of inspiration and leave my entire childhood alone?

Then, you have this. A moment where I cringe, pause, think about it, cringe some more, then run and hide. What could make me do such a thing? Eminem.

I need to preface this with the fact I am an Eminem fan. I love his music and I greatly admire his ability to market his products. His fan base is very loyal. But, when he came out with a comic book series with The Punisher earlier this year I wasn’t expecting anything more from Slim Shady in the world of comics. Boy was I wrong.

This week it was announced Mr. Mathers and company will be releasing Shady Talez, a 3D horror movie starring Eminem. Furthermore, the movie will come complete with a four book mini-series. This is the first movie for Eminem in seven years. Here are a few details:

The film will be produced by D.J. Classicz/Davis Entertainment, a genre partnership between I, Robot producer John Davis and writer-producer Dallas Jackson. Eminem, who previously starred in 2002’s 8 Mile, will produce the project, styled as The Twilight Zone meets Creepshow, alongside Davis, Jackson and Underworld story creator Kevin Grevioux, who is co-writing the screenplay with Jackson.

On the surface it looks like a money grab. (I mean the phrase Shady Talez with a “z” looks like a text message.) Eminem will reel audiences in with a cheap horror flick and maybe make a few bucks on the comics. This should gain him some exposure to a new group of people and, hey, maybe he’ll sell a few more records. But, then it continues:

D.J. Classicz / Davis Entertainment are building a slate of multicultural projects with global commercial appear and have hired market veteran James MacLean to establish ties with international buyers here. Domestically, the venture benefits from Davis’ first-look deal at Fox. Jackson, who has set his re-write of the adventure comedy The Last Dragon with Samuel Jackson at Columbia, said he was also preparing The Little Homiez, a cross between Home Alone and The Rugrats. The third title on the initial slate is Rhythm And Juliet, a martial arts take on Shakespeare’s timeless tragedy that Jackson wrote with Stomp The Yard writer Gregory Anderson, who will also produce.

Now I’m cringing and cowering in a corner. Really? This is only part of a bigger plan? We are going to see an onslaught of these projects? WOW.

Normally I cover comic books about to be turned into movies. This time around it seems as if it may be a tie between what comes out first, the comic or the movie. Those plans are still up in the air. Right now Eminem says the comics will come out in 2010. This is probably a more likely scenario since comics are a bit easier to make then movies from a time standpoint.

I can’t find anything good about this project. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it will blow the doors off good popcorn eating horror flicks. Maybe Eminem will use this as a springboard to get back on top. Maybe I’m closing my mind to the possibilities. Or maybe, just maybe, the world will end. You decide.